Finding Me

So, that's it.  It's all over.  School, I mean.  And, yeah, just for the semester.  But still, it was stressful enough that I'm just so glad for the break.  I almost collapsed after I sang for my juries.  All the stress was just let go and I just wanted to go to sleep for days.  (which, I fully plan on doing)  Life is just such a funny thing when I think about it, though.  I think about all the stress that I put myself through and for what?  I don't mean that as a bad thing but really, what is all the worry for?  Why can't I just live my life with confidence?  But then I think, God didn't make us like that.  He didn't make us to walk around is this skin not feeling anything.  I think about the struggles in my life and how much I wish that I didn't have to deal with them.  I think also about the fact that I've just not settled on any decisions in my life yet.  I just can't seem to find contentment in my life.  I can't stand to be alone and yet people in general are driving me crazy!  I feel like all the good opportunities in life are being taken by people that don't deserve them.  I feel like I'm going no where in my life.  I feel like I'm attractive to no one.  And more than anything, I just feel like I've fallen from God's grace.  Like I'm so far beneath Him that He can no longer see me.  He no longer remembers my name.  I no longer honor Him with anything that I do.  And I just wonder, where did it all go wrong?  Where did I stop living as a happy kid and start living as a depressed "adult".  And I put adult in quotes because most of the time I don't feel like I should be an adult.  I feel like I missed out on crucial development when growing up.  I don't know exactly what it is but I'm still looking for it.  I'm still hopeful, I just keep thinking that this is the long dark valley in my life but someday soon I will finally see the glorious light and rise above all of this pain and suffering.  Some day the stress will be lessened so I can feel like I can breathe again.  I can be loved and accepted for me.  I can begin to find my way back, I can begin to find me.