Giving Up Friends

I've given up friends!  Yep, that's right, no more friends for me.  Well, I guess let me explain.  I have a few great friends that I love but the majority of those few don't even live near me.  Some I haven't even seen in years.  It seems like, though, the ones that do live around me, the ones that I have interacted with and run into often are the ones that let me down the most.  I go to school and I'm more focused on making friends than on learning.  So, I decided that I would no longer have friends.  I would no longer worry about what I'm going to do with my time or what others think of me.  I have had my heart broken so much here lately that I'm just taking a break from these types of relationships.  And the funniest part of the story is that I just got back from watching the Sex and the City movie.  A movie that is the epitome of friendship and yet, it hasn't changed my mind about distancing myself from the world.  In fact, sitting there in that movie theatre watching those girls interact and support one another it didn't make me feel like I was missing out.  It, instead, made me feel like I don't want to have any friendships until I can find authentic lasting ones.  For at least the next two years my life is in an uncertain and unpredictable state.  I have nothing lasting to offer anyone.  And to be fair and accept that I play a role in my failed relationships I recognize my inability to be supportive and attentive for right now.  And it is this inability that makes me not a very good candidate for a top-notch friend.  I'm so exhausted right now.  School is exhausting.  Family is exhausting.  Looking for a stupid summer job is exhausting.  These are all things that I have to have and deal with in my life.  The parts that I can control I want keep as simple as possible.  Since simple and friend are usually not used together in my life I have just decided to be rid of it...for the time being.  

I hope that one day I can be like the girls from Sex and the City.  I hope to be my own Carrie in my life.  I hope that we can be as honest and supportive as they are to each other.  But until that day I'm just gonna keep my head down, focus on my own life, and get through school.  I am hopeful that my life will one day all come together-great friends, spouse and life!  Until then, I'll just keep plugging away.

Peace & Love!